This journey is full of twists and turns

We've all realized by now that if I turn to my blog to update everyone about something, there is probably a long story coming.  This post is no exception.

I'm sitting on my bed having just finished my lesson plans for the week.  It's the last time I will prep for teaching 6th grade reading this year, and perhaps for several years...or forever.  I really can't know for sure, because while we journey through life, it constantly takes twists and turns that we aren't expecting.  I'm currently in the middle of a big ol' turn that I really wasn't expecting right now.

When I moved to Texas, I struggled to get a new job.  I turned in my resignation in Oklahoma with no job prospects with complete faith that I would get SOMETHING when I got to Texas.  It was so much harder than I thought.  Honestly, I thought I was going to have it easy because how many people are LOOKING for jobs teaching life skills?  It's a hard job, not for the faint-of-heart, and I usually hear about people wanting out, not people wanting in.  It really is who you know and not what you know, because I finally got a job through my aunt.  She's a school nurse and she mentioned to her principal that I was looking for a job.  Within a week, I had an interview, a job, and a meeting with HR (another aunt) to sign my contract.  It was a whirlwind.  I wasn't teaching special ed, but I was teaching 6th Grade English Language Arts and Reading, and that was a monster I was semi-familiar with, although it had been a few years (five, to be exact).

So, even though it wasn't my preference, I faced it head on, determined to make it the absolute best it could possibly be.  I was teaching in the district where I started my education.  I work frequently with my own 3rd grade teacher who is now the dyslexia teacher for the district.  I had come full circle.  Plus, it had been mentioned that the life skills position on the campus would likely be available at the end of the year, and I would get my foot in the door for that position.

I'm not gonna lie.  Last year was hard.  One of the hardest years of my entire life.  I didn't love teaching reading.  I loved those kids, still do love those kids, but I didn't love my "job" and that was so hard because I left a job that I absolutely LOVED in Oklahoma to come here.  Before the year was finished, I had begun putting in applications and even had one interview, though nothing came of it.  On the last work days, I made sure my classroom was completely packed up so I could move in a moment's notice if I got a placement somewhere else.  Then, we got word that the district was making several changes.  I thought, "Well, maybe these changes are how God is answering my prayers for something different."

And so I stayed.  I unpacked my classroom.  I decorated (with all new decorations because I change them every year because I'm crazy like that) and planned and set up and tried to genuinely be all in for this new school year.  We started the first two weeks of in-service.  The first week was great, but by the second week, I was second guessing my choice to stay.  I could not get my heart into it the way I knew it needed to be.  I went and talked to our instructional facilitator (ugly cried, full on meltdown, bless her heart) and she asked me to give it a couple of 6-weeks periods and see if I could get into it.  I agreed.  After the first 6 weeks, I went to my principal and had the same conversation with her.  (The crying was not quite as ugly as it was the first time.) I loved these kids, but I did not love what I was required to teach or the way I was required to teach it, and if I couldn't love it then I really couldn't be the best choice for teaching these kids.  (Don't get me wrong.  I love reading, but loving reading and teaching reading are two very different animals.)  She asked me to search my heart and pray about it and see if I could get my heart where it needed to be, because she believes that at the end of the day, the students need a teacher who is in it for the kids, and she could tell that I did have a heart for the kids.  She gave me permission to try some new things in my classes.  Which I did, and it pumped me up for a few weeks, but it didn't last. 

Fast forward to nine days ago.  I made a pretty tough decision that Friday and took a resignation letter to my principal.  I didn't have peace about walking away from education (the state would sanction my license and I wouldn't be able to teach again until the sanction was lifted...at least a full calendar year), but I didn't have peace about continuing either.  I sat in my principal's office again, this time both of us shed tears, and she asked me to pray about a possibility over the weekend. She could make no promises, but thought she may have a solution to my problem that would be a solution to other problems as well.  So I went home, and prayed, and talked about it with so many people.

The last 9 days have been a complete and total WHIRLWIND of things happening.  First of all, the decision was made on Monday for me to switch places with the Life Skills teacher on our campus.  On Monday, the idea was that we would finish the semester in our current placements and start after the new year in our new classrooms.  We had basically nine weeks to get prepared to make this transition.  For the first time all year, I felt complete and total peace over this decision.  On Tuesday, I was called back to the principal's office where she told me that we were going to accelerate the timeline.  We were going to make the switch effective when we returned from Thanksgiving break.  Nine weeks just turned into three.  Wowza!  No worries, though.  My team is a powerhouse team, and between Friday night and Saturday afternoon, with all of their help, my room is basically go-ready for the switch.  (Now my Thanksgiving break can actually be a break! YAY!)

So, as I'm sitting here, I'm thinking about my last week as a reading teacher (for now anyways).  I'm a little sad, because I do love those 75 kids who I have spent the last 3+ months getting to know, but I'm so excited that the Lord worked all this out so perfectly to bring me to the place I need to be.  I can't wait to get back into my happy place and I'm excited to see how the students I've been teaching will flourish under their new teacher.  I think she will be great with them, and hope she will love her new class as I'm pretty confident I'm going to love mine.

Over and over through all of this, my principal has said that teaching has to be a calling, and that if it wasn't my calling then I need to take a step back and reevaluate.  I have always believed I was called to be a teaching.  I've been doing this education thing in some form since I was 17 years old.  As I sit here writing my mind just keeps going to the same verse, and I know that it's so true. I'm confident that I'm called to this and that it is His purpose for me.

When your attempt at humor turns into a blessing

I try to put a little humor into all of my posts on here.  In fact, I can only think of two posts that didn't have humor.  (The post about Dad's stroke and the post about the children who died in their schools during an Oklahoma tornado) Other than that, I try to get a laugh.

My recent post about my biopsy was no exception.  I used the fact that I wouldn't be able to be put into the good attendance drawing for free stuff as my laugh.  That turned into a blessing, but I'll get to that in a minute.  First an update about my liver.

First of all, I am not having liver issues as a result of alcohol consumption (It was asked...).  In fact, my alcohol consumption is 0.  Never had even a sip of an alcoholic beverage.  (Although, if my Papa Grouch were still here on earth, he would tell you otherwise.  Years ago, someone in my family thought it would be funny to put a beer can in baby me's hand and take a picture of me having a cold one with my Papa.  He used to like to bring that picture out to show people if I ever got too obnoxious.  If I were at my Grandma's, I'd dig it out to share it with you all, too.)
Anyways...

Today, I went back to the Gastroenterologist today to get my biopsy results.  There was good news and neutral news.  I don't think any of the news we got was necessarily bad.  There are three major indicators to diagnosing a patient with PBC and I have two of the three.
1) Elevated Anti-mitochondrial antibodies (AMAs) - 🗹
2) Pruritus (itching) - 🗹
3) Elevated Alkaline Phosphates - 𝥷

So, because I didn't have all three, he ordered the biopsy.  In simple terms, the biopsy was inconclusive.  Technically all of the tests came back negative.  However, because my AMAs were so high (not a little high; a lot high), he does not want to write the biopsy off as the final answer.  There are a couple of things that could have happened that explain the negative results.  The first is that we caught this so early through blood tests that no significant scarring has occurred to be visible in the biopsy.  The second is that the scarring may only be affecting the bile ducts and the radiologist extracted a sample that did not include bile duct and only liver tissue.  Either of those is still a good thing, because the earlier PBC treatment begins, the better the prognosis for the patient. 

So, instead of a definite diagnosis, we have a tentative diagnosis and a plan for moving forward.  We are going to treat for PBC.  Starting tomorrow, I will have two new prescriptions.  One specifically for the PBC and one for the itching.  (Also, I read this week that the absence of the itching can be an indicator that the liver damage is progressing towards cirrhosis.  Who would have ever thought I'd be thankful for itching?!?)  We will follow the treatment plan for six months, then I will go back for additional bloodwork and follow-up with the GI in April.  He will again look at the AMAs and the Alkaline Phosphates to see if the results make a little more sense, and to see if anything has changed after the medicinal treatment. 

So, overall great news.  We have a definite plan to move forward.  Now onto my blessing. 

I didn't get participate in either of the good attendance drawings last year. Homegirl was sick too much, plus I took off for two funerals, plus I took off when we moved.  Frankly, I am in awe of anyone who makes it through the school year with two or less absences, especially if they can do it while raising kids.  I salute you, teacher-parents!  But I did set a mini goal for myself that this year, I was going to be put into the drawing at least one of the semesters.  Well, I had to take a day early on for the first doctor appt, then the second half-day appt. turned into a full day, then I had to take off two days for the biopsy.  BAM!  Wiped out that 2 day goal in less than six weeks of school.  When I put that in my last blog post, I was looking for an angle to add humor.  What I didn't include in that blog post is that my current computer is a dinosaur desktop 7-8 years old, and it was second hand when we got it all those years ago.  Literally the week I posted about my biopsy, the monitor on the computer completely died.  Like the next day. I didn't include any of that because I wasn't actually trying to focus on the computer issues, just letting everyone know about my scary big needle hospital procedure. (THAT I WAS AWAKE FOR, BY THE WAY!!!) 

But I have some amazing people in my life.  On the morning of the biopsy, when my dad showed up to take me to the hospital, he was suspiciously carrying around this brown paper bag and wouldn't set it down while I was trying to finish getting ready.  (I wasn't running late.  Dad is always early.)  When I finally stopped to pay attention to him, he informs me that there were some people who read my blog, and wanted to do something to make biopsy day a little better.  He then pulls out a brand new laptop!!!  Seriously, God never ceases to amaze me.  Seriously, guys, I was just trying to be FUNNY, because humor is how I deal when I am stressed or scared, or sometimes even angry.  But God used that to let someone else be a blessing!

Look how pretty it is.  Yes, it's RED!!! I spent the whole day after the biopsy laying in bed being a wimp and playing on it.  I am so thankful for the generosity of the people in my life, and can never thank you enough for the gift! 

Thank you all for praying for my health issues.  I appreciate your prayers as we still don't really know what is going on.  Also, pray that the side-effects to these new meds are minimal.  The only one he mentioned is constipation (TMI! Sorry!) and that is from the one for the itching.  He actually mentioned that one of the medications was originally used to treat high cholesterol, so two birds one pill.  Hahaha!! 

Hopefully, I will do better about updating you on the life and times of the Baldwins and it won't be 6 months before I post again.  We'll see...

How I lost my chance at a free laptop

Anytime the Baldwins post a prayer request on Facebook, everyone automatically assumes it's Dad. (With good reason.  He's in the hospital so much that last year at school, a student told me he knows where I live because I live in his neighborhood in the house with all the ambulances.)  Anyways, Dad asked for prayers last week for a prayer request that was for me. We've kind of shared a little bit, but I figured I'd dust off my blogging skills and tell y'all a little more about what's going on.

We have a very thorough doctor. If he sees something suspicious, he's going to dig and dig until he figures out why the suspicious thing is happening. Because of my family medical history, and my health issues, I have to have lab work completed every three months ago he can ready stay on top of potential problems. On September 4, I went in for my quarterly visit. He noticed that my liver enzymes were high. They've been high before. When I lived in Oklahoma, I had to have an ultrasound and was told I had fatty liver. Really common.  Well, my doctor here wanted more information. The numbers kind of jumped up and down, and he wanted a clear picture, so he ordered additional blood tests and another ultrasound. This new round of blood tests included tests for hepatitis and for various autoimmune diseases. My half day off work became a full day as I went where I needed to go to take career of the extra tests.  His nurse called me Friday night to tell me there was an abnormality in my mitochondrial results, and I needed to schedule an appointment with a gastroenterologist. (Side note, she should have said antimitochondrial results, because googling mitochondrial diseases was real scary, and made for a very long weekend of wondering and worrying.) ((And yes, I know you shouldn't google medical conditions, but literally all the nurse told me was the aforementioned blood results and I had to know SOMETHING!!))

Anyways, I saw the GI specialist yesterday (9/10). I left feeling still kind of worried, but so much better than I did over the weekend. He gave me some good information, a probable diagnosis, and a promising prognosis.

I'll be honest. I don't know much about autoimmune diseases. I know they mean a person's immune system is attacking their body. I know I can list 5 of them of the top of my head (lupus, type 1 diabetes, crohn's, multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis). I could maybe come up with one or two more if I was really pressed to think about it.  But seriously, that's as far as my knowledge went.

I didn't know there are over 100 different autoimmune diseases, and I didn't know that some of them are pretty rare.  Yesterday, I was suddenly very interested in finding out all about autoimmune diseases when the doctor told me he thinks I have Primary Biliary Cholangitis. It's one of the relatively rare ones--1 in 4000. 65 in 100,000 women. 90% of patients with PBC are women. There is no apparent cause. It had not been linked specifically to any hereditary causes (although it is suspected as it does seem to show up in multiple family members).  It generally appears between the ages of 35-65 (I'm an overachiever).
What is it? It's an autoimmune disease that affects the liver. The antimitochondrial antibodies are attacking the cells and organs in the body. In this case, they are causing inflammation and scarring in the liver, which in turn causes damage to the bile ducts. When the ducts are damaged, thea liver backs up which eventually leads to cirrhosis.

In fact, it was formerly called primary biliary cirrhosis, and frankly, that's just the scary icing on top of the frightening diagnosis cupcake. Because what I know of cirrhosis is definitely not good. I know cirrhosis is an end-stage disease. I know that it has several causes, but let's be real, it's not the cause that's so terrifying it's the effect. It brings to mind words like transplant and organ failure. (I promise I'm not going to be Negative Nellie this whole post, just getting it all out there.)

So, what does that mean for me?  While he pretty sure it's PBC, the gastroenterologist saw some inconsistencies in my lab work, so he will not give a 100% certain diagnosis...yet. First, I have to have a liver biopsy. (Think giant needle going in and pulling pieces of me out.)  If the biopsy confirms the diagnosis, we start a treatment plan. PBC isn't curable, BUT it is very treatable with medication. In fact, the medications have advanced so much in recent years that many patients with PBC never reach the cirrhosis stage of the disease. And there earlier you catch it as start treatment, the better the prognosis. There are some symptoms of the PBC that are present. I don't generally feel bad, they are more just annoying. I mean, who knew itching could be a result of liver disease. Seriously, you can't imagine how itchy I get. I thought I was having allergic reactions to laundry detergent or fabric softener.  Doctors (and some family nurses) have asked if I'm vomiting. The stomach issues are there, just not in the form of vomiting. I think I'll just leave it at that. They also say fatigue is part of this, but I've been tired my whole life, so who knows if that's actually a result of this potential PBC. (Plus, here I am, blogging at midnight.) Haha!! 

The last 9 days have been crazy and stressful and a roller coaster of thoughts and emotions. I'm waiting on a call from the hospital to schedule my biopsy, then I will see the gastroenterologist again in about a month to follow up on the biopsy and get a treatment plan.

Thank you to those who have been praying and we welcome the prayers of anyone hearing about this for the first time.

Also, if you wanna know how I'm doing...
Right now, I'm more upset that all these appointments are taking me out of the good attendance drawing for great free stuff at work than I am about the reason for all the appointments. I know God has got his part under control no matter the diagnosis, but I really wanted that laptop.  My feelings may be different though, when I'm facing the procedure with the giant needle. That'll be my first time in the hospital as a patient since I was born. Plus, I hate needles. (Insert full-body shudder, here.)