I'm sitting on my bed having just finished my lesson plans for the week. It's the last time I will prep for teaching 6th grade reading this year, and perhaps for several years...or forever. I really can't know for sure, because while we journey through life, it constantly takes twists and turns that we aren't expecting. I'm currently in the middle of a big ol' turn that I really wasn't expecting right now.
When I moved to Texas, I struggled to get a new job. I turned in my resignation in Oklahoma with no job prospects with complete faith that I would get SOMETHING when I got to Texas. It was so much harder than I thought. Honestly, I thought I was going to have it easy because how many people are LOOKING for jobs teaching life skills? It's a hard job, not for the faint-of-heart, and I usually hear about people wanting out, not people wanting in. It really is who you know and not what you know, because I finally got a job through my aunt. She's a school nurse and she mentioned to her principal that I was looking for a job. Within a week, I had an interview, a job, and a meeting with HR (another aunt) to sign my contract. It was a whirlwind. I wasn't teaching special ed, but I was teaching 6th Grade English Language Arts and Reading, and that was a monster I was semi-familiar with, although it had been a few years (five, to be exact).
So, even though it wasn't my preference, I faced it head on, determined to make it the absolute best it could possibly be. I was teaching in the district where I started my education. I work frequently with my own 3rd grade teacher who is now the dyslexia teacher for the district. I had come full circle. Plus, it had been mentioned that the life skills position on the campus would likely be available at the end of the year, and I would get my foot in the door for that position.
I'm not gonna lie. Last year was hard. One of the hardest years of my entire life. I didn't love teaching reading. I loved those kids, still do love those kids, but I didn't love my "job" and that was so hard because I left a job that I absolutely LOVED in Oklahoma to come here. Before the year was finished, I had begun putting in applications and even had one interview, though nothing came of it. On the last work days, I made sure my classroom was completely packed up so I could move in a moment's notice if I got a placement somewhere else. Then, we got word that the district was making several changes. I thought, "Well, maybe these changes are how God is answering my prayers for something different."
And so I stayed. I unpacked my classroom. I decorated (with all new decorations because I change them every year because I'm crazy like that) and planned and set up and tried to genuinely be all in for this new school year. We started the first two weeks of in-service. The first week was great, but by the second week, I was second guessing my choice to stay. I could not get my heart into it the way I knew it needed to be. I went and talked to our instructional facilitator (ugly cried, full on meltdown, bless her heart) and she asked me to give it a couple of 6-weeks periods and see if I could get into it. I agreed. After the first 6 weeks, I went to my principal and had the same conversation with her. (The crying was not quite as ugly as it was the first time.) I loved these kids, but I did not love what I was required to teach or the way I was required to teach it, and if I couldn't love it then I really couldn't be the best choice for teaching these kids. (Don't get me wrong. I love reading, but loving reading and teaching reading are two very different animals.) She asked me to search my heart and pray about it and see if I could get my heart where it needed to be, because she believes that at the end of the day, the students need a teacher who is in it for the kids, and she could tell that I did have a heart for the kids. She gave me permission to try some new things in my classes. Which I did, and it pumped me up for a few weeks, but it didn't last.
Fast forward to nine days ago. I made a pretty tough decision that Friday and took a resignation letter to my principal. I didn't have peace about walking away from education (the state would sanction my license and I wouldn't be able to teach again until the sanction was lifted...at least a full calendar year), but I didn't have peace about continuing either. I sat in my principal's office again, this time both of us shed tears, and she asked me to pray about a possibility over the weekend. She could make no promises, but thought she may have a solution to my problem that would be a solution to other problems as well. So I went home, and prayed, and talked about it with so many people.
The last 9 days have been a complete and total WHIRLWIND of things happening. First of all, the decision was made on Monday for me to switch places with the Life Skills teacher on our campus. On Monday, the idea was that we would finish the semester in our current placements and start after the new year in our new classrooms. We had basically nine weeks to get prepared to make this transition. For the first time all year, I felt complete and total peace over this decision. On Tuesday, I was called back to the principal's office where she told me that we were going to accelerate the timeline. We were going to make the switch effective when we returned from Thanksgiving break. Nine weeks just turned into three. Wowza! No worries, though. My team is a powerhouse team, and between Friday night and Saturday afternoon, with all of their help, my room is basically go-ready for the switch. (Now my Thanksgiving break can actually be a break! YAY!)
So, as I'm sitting here, I'm thinking about my last week as a reading teacher (for now anyways). I'm a little sad, because I do love those 75 kids who I have spent the last 3+ months getting to know, but I'm so excited that the Lord worked all this out so perfectly to bring me to the place I need to be. I can't wait to get back into my happy place and I'm excited to see how the students I've been teaching will flourish under their new teacher. I think she will be great with them, and hope she will love her new class as I'm pretty confident I'm going to love mine.
Over and over through all of this, my principal has said that teaching has to be a calling, and that if it wasn't my calling then I need to take a step back and reevaluate. I have always believed I was called to be a teaching. I've been doing this education thing in some form since I was 17 years old. As I sit here writing my mind just keeps going to the same verse, and I know that it's so true. I'm confident that I'm called to this and that it is His purpose for me.
